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“Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem.Maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash.”

Jerry Seinfeld quotes (American television Actor and Comedian, b.1954)

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“Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason”

Jerry Seinfeld quotes (American television Actor and Comedian, b.1954)

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“It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.”

Jerry Seinfeld quotes (American television Actor and Comedian, b.1954)

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“I am so busy doing nothing... that the idea of doing anything - which as you know, always leads to something - cuts into the nothing and then forces me to have to drop everything.”

Jerry Seinfeld quotes (American television Actor and Comedian, b.1954)

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“People who read the tabloids deserve to be lied to”

Jerry Seinfeld quotes (American television Actor and Comedian, b.1954)

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“You know you're getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It's like, "See if you can blow this out."”

Jerry Seinfeld quotes (American television Actor and Comedian, b.1954)

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“Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not color, but to accept God's final word on where your lips end.”

Jerry Seinfeld quotes (American television Actor and Comedian, b.1954)

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“My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty and that's the law.”

Jerry Seinfeld quotes (American television Actor and Comedian, b.1954)

Similar Quotes. About: Funny quotes, Family quotes, Law and lawyers quotes, Parents quotes, Comedy quotes.

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“There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men don't think there's a lot they don't know. Women do. Women want to learn. Men think, "I know what I'm doing, just show me somebody naked."”

Jerry Seinfeld quotes (American television Actor and Comedian, b.1954)

Similar Quotes. About: Doing Your Best quotes, Men and Women quotes.

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“A bookstore is one of the only pieces of evidence we have that people are still thinking.”

Jerry Seinfeld quotes (American television Actor and Comedian, b.1954)

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“I had a dream last night, I was eating a ten pound marshmallow. I woke up this morning and the pillow was gone.”

Tommy Cooper quotes

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