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“Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem.Maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash.”
Jenny0103 Jerry Seinfeld quotes (American television Actor and Comedian, b.1954)
About: Funny quotes.
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“Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?? I'm halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh my God....I could be eating a slow learner.”
Lynda Montgomery quotes
Similar Quotes. About: Food quotes, Funny quotes.
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“I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize”
Jenny0103 Steven Wright quotes (American Comedian, b.1955)
Similar Quotes. About: Humor quotes, Funny quotes.
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“Ah, yes, divorce ... from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet.”
Robin Williams quotes (American actor)
Similar Quotes. About: Humor quotes, Funny quotes, Divorce quotes, Comedy quotes.
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“Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar.”
Drew Carey quotes (American Comedian, b.1958)
Similar Quotes. About: Humor quotes, Funny quotes, Hate quotes, Jobs quotes.
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“A two-year old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.”
surfun Jerry Seinfeld quotes (American television Actor and Comedian, b.1954)
Similar Quotes. About: Children quotes, Babies quotes.
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“I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.”
Will Shriner quotes (American Comedian, b.1953)
Similar Quotes. About: Funny quotes, Death and dying quotes.
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“The Four Levels of Comedy: Make your friends laugh, Make strangers laugh, Get paid to make strangers laugh, and Make people talk like you because it's so much fun.”
Jerry Seinfeld quotes (American television Actor and Comedian, b.1954)
Similar Quotes. About: Comedy quotes.
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“Since light travels faster than sound, people appear bright until you hear them speak.”
santiz
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“Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.”
Jack Handey quotes (American Comic Writer, Comedian and Actor on SNL. Famous for his Deep Thoughts, b.1949)
Similar Quotes. About: Funny quotes.
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“Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us.”
Calvin & Hobbes quotes (Fictional characters from the comic series created by Bill Watterson.)
Similar Quotes. About: Funny quotes.
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