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“If some unemployed punk in New Jersey, can get a cassette to make love to Elle McPherson for $19.95, this virtual reality stuff is going to make crack look like Sanka.”

Dennis Miller quotes (American Comedian and Actor, b.1953)

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“A recent police study found that you're much more likely to get shot by a fat cop if you run.”

Dennis Miller quotes (American Comedian and Actor, b.1953)

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“You know there is a problem with the education system when you realize that out of the 3 R's only one begins with an R”

Dennis Miller quotes (American Comedian and Actor, b.1953)

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“Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar.”

Drew Carey quotes (American Comedian, b.1958)

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“Liberals should not overplay this weapons of mass destruction card, because you want me to tell you the truth? Most of us are not going to care if they don't find these weapons of mass destruction. It's enough for a lot of us to see those kids smiling on that street again.”

Dennis Miller quotes (American Comedian and Actor, b.1953)

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“And quit bringing up our forefathers and saying they were civil libertarians. Our founding fathers would have never tolerated any of this crap. For God's sake, they were blowing peoples' heads off because they put a tax on their breakfast beverage. And it wasn't even coffee.”

Dennis Miller quotes (American Comedian and Actor, b.1953)

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“Never ever discount the idea of marriage. Sure, someone might tell you that marriage is just a piece of paper. Well, so is money, and what's more life-affirming than cold, hard cash?”

Dennis Miller quotes (American Comedian and Actor, b.1953)

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“What is guilt? Guilt is the pledge drive constantly hammering in our heads that keeps us from fully enjoying the show. Guilt is the reason they put the articles in Playboy.”

Dennis Miller quotes (American Comedian and Actor, b.1953)

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“Sure, the lion is king of the jungle
but airdrop him into Antarctica,
& he's just a penguin's bitch”

Dennis Miller quotes (American Comedian and Actor, b.1953)

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“Why can't they have gay people in the army? Personally, I think they are just afraid of a thousand guys with M16s going, "Who'd you call a faggot?"”

Jon Stewart quotes (American Comedian and Actor, b.1962)

Similar Quotes. About: Army quotes, Homosexuality quotes.

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“The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money usually costs a lot less.”

Brendan Behan quotes

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