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Jack Handy quotes

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American Writer and cast member of Saturday Night Live from 1991-2003. Famous for his Deep Thoughts comedy sketches.

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    I Like this quote I dislike this quote“Instead of studying for finals, what about just going to the Bahamas and catching some rays? Maybe you'll flunk, but you might have flunked anyway; that's my point.”
 dmg

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    I Like this quote I dislike this quote“If I had a mine shaft, I don't think I would just abandon it. There's got to be a better way.”
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    I Like this quote I dislike this quote“Instead of building newer and larger weapons of mass destruction, I think mankind should try to get more use out of the ones we have”

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    I Like this quote I dislike this quote“When you die, if you get a choice between going to regular heaven or pie heaven, choose pie heaven. It might be a trick, but if it's not, mmmmmmmm, boy.”
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    I Like this quote I dislike this quote“It's fascinating to think that all around us there's an invisible world we can't even see. I'm speaking, of course, of the World of the Invisible Scary Skeletons.”
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    I Like this quote I dislike this quote“Sometimes life seems like a dream, especially when I look down and see that I forgot to put on my pants”

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    I Like this quote I dislike this quote“If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid seeing yourself in the mirror, because I bet that's what REALLY throws you into a panic.”

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    I Like this quote I dislike this quote“To me, it's a good idea to always carry two sacks of something when you walk around. That way, if anybody says, Hey, can you give me a hand? You can say, Sorry, got these sacks. - Deep Thoughts (Saturday Night Live)”

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    I Like this quote I dislike this quote“If any man says he hates war more than I do, he better have a knife, that's all I have to say”

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    I Like this quote I dislike this quote“Of all the tall tales, I think my favorite is the one about Eli Whitney and the interchangeable parts.”
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