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“There is no such thing as fun for the whole family.”

Jerry Seinfeld quotes (American television Actor and Comedian, b.1954)

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“Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason”

Jerry Seinfeld quotes (American television Actor and Comedian, b.1954)

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“That's the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me”

Jerry Seinfeld quotes (American television Actor and Comedian, b.1954)

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“People who read the tabloids deserve to be lied to”

Jerry Seinfeld quotes (American television Actor and Comedian, b.1954)

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“I am so busy doing nothing... that the idea of doing anything - which as you know, always leads to something - cuts into the nothing and then forces me to have to drop everything.”

Jerry Seinfeld quotes (American television Actor and Comedian, b.1954)

Similar Quotes. About: Comedy quotes.

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“You know you're getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It's like, "See if you can blow this out."”

Jerry Seinfeld quotes (American television Actor and Comedian, b.1954)

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“It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.”

Jerry Seinfeld quotes (American television Actor and Comedian, b.1954)

Similar Quotes. About: Funny quotes, Newspapers quotes.

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“The Swiss have an interesting army. Five hundred years without a war. Pretty impressive. Also pretty lucky for them. Ever see that little Swiss Army knife they have to fight with? Not much of a weapon there. Corkscrews, Bottle openers. 'Come on, buddy, let's go. You get past me, the guy in back of me, he's got a spoon. Back off. I've got the toe clippers right here.”

Jerry Seinfeld quotes (American television Actor and Comedian, b.1954)

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“Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem.Maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash.”

Jerry Seinfeld quotes (American television Actor and Comedian, b.1954)

Similar Quotes. About: Funny quotes.

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“Men don't care what's on TV. They only care what else is on TV.”

Jerry Seinfeld quotes (American television Actor and Comedian, b.1954)

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“The Four Levels of Comedy: Make your friends laugh, Make strangers laugh, Get paid to make strangers laugh, and Make people talk like you because it's so much fun.”

Jerry Seinfeld quotes (American television Actor and Comedian, b.1954)

Similar Quotes. About: Comedy quotes.

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