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“You know you're getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It's like, "See if you can blow this out."”

Jerry Seinfeld quotes (American television Actor and Comedian, b.1954)

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“That's the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me”

Jerry Seinfeld quotes (American television Actor and Comedian, b.1954)

Similar Quotes. About: Christmas quotes, Spirit quotes.

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“Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not color, but to accept God's final word on where your lips end.”

Jerry Seinfeld quotes (American television Actor and Comedian, b.1954)

Similar Quotes. About: Funny quotes.

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“The IRS! They're like the Mafia, they can take anything they want!”

Jerry Seinfeld quotes (American television Actor and Comedian, b.1954)

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“I think it's funny to be delicate with subjects that are explosive.”

Jerry Seinfeld quotes (American television Actor and Comedian, b.1954)

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“Men don't care what's on TV. They only care what else is on TV.”

Jerry Seinfeld quotes (American television Actor and Comedian, b.1954)

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“The Swiss have an interesting army. Five hundred years without a war. Pretty impressive. Also pretty lucky for them. Ever see that little Swiss Army knife they have to fight with? Not much of a weapon there. Corkscrews, Bottle openers. 'Come on, buddy, let's go. You get past me, the guy in back of me, he's got a spoon. Back off. I've got the toe clippers right here.”

Jerry Seinfeld quotes (American television Actor and Comedian, b.1954)

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“To me, if life boils down to one thing, it's movement. To live is to keep moving.”

Jerry Seinfeld quotes (American television Actor and Comedian, b.1954)

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“You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named 'Bush', 'Dick', and 'Colon.' Need I say more?”

Chris Rock quotes

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“Seems to me the basic conflict between men and women, sexually, is that men are like firemen. To men, sex is an emergency, and no matter what we're doing we can be ready in two minutes. Women, on the other hand, are like fire. They're very exciting, but the conditions have to be exactly right for it to occur."”

Jerry Seinfeld quotes (American television Actor and Comedian, b.1954)

Similar Quotes. About: Sex quotes.

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“Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.”

Albert Einstein quotes (German born American Physicist who developed the special and general theories of relativity. Nobel Prize for Physics in 1921. 1879-1955)

Similar Quotes. About: Cute quotes, Cute love quotes, Love quotes, Funny quotes, Men and Women quotes.

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