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Southern quotes

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    I Like this quote I dislike this quoteTo use a Southern euphemism, our space program has been snake-bit.

 Al Gore quotes (American US Vice President under Bill Clinton (1993-2001). b.1948)

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    I Like this quote I dislike this quoteTARIFF, n. A scale of taxes on imports, designed to protect the domestic producer against the greed of his consumer.



The Enemy of Human Souls Sat grieving at the cost of coals; For Hell had been annexed of late, And was a sovereign Southern State.



"It were no more than right," said he,

"That I should get my fuel free. The duty, neither just nor wise, Compels me to economize -- Whereby my broilers, every one, Are execrably underdone. What would they have? --although I yearn To do them nicely to a turn, I can't afford an honest heat. This tariff makes even devils cheat! I'm ruined, and my humble trade All rascals may at will invade: Beneath my nose the public press Outdoes me in sulphureousness; The bar ingeniously applies To my undoing my own lies; My medicines the doctors use

(Albeit vainly) to refuse To me my fair and rightful prey And keep their own in shape to pay; The preachers by example teach What, scorning to perform, I teach; And statesmen, aping me, all make More promises than they can break. Against such competition I Lift up a disregarded cry. Since all ignore my just complaint, By Hokey-Pokey! I'll turn saint!" Now, the Republicans, who all Are saints, began at once to bawl Against _his_ competition; so There was a devil of a go! They locked horns with him, tete-a-tete In acrimonious debate, Till Democrats, forlorn and lone, Had hopes of coming by their own. That evil to avert, in haste The two belligerents embraced; But since 'twere wicked to relax A tittle of the Sacred Tax,

'Twas finally agreed to grant The bold Insurgent-protestant A bounty on each soul that fell Into his ineffectual Hell. --Edam Smith

 Ambrose Bierce quotes (American Writer, Journalist and Editor, 1842-1914)
Book: Devil's Dictionary quotes

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    I Like this quote I dislike this quoteSHERIFF, n. In America the chief executive office of a country, whose most characteristic duties, in some of the Western and Southern States, are the catching and hanging of rogues.



John Elmer Pettibone Cajee

(I write of him with little glee) Was just as bad as he could be.



'Twas frequently remarked: "I swon! The sun has never looked upon So bad a man as Neighbor John."



A sinner through and through, he had This added fault: it made him mad To know another man was bad.



In such a case he thought it right To rise at any hour of night And quench that wicked person's light.



Despite the town's entreaties, he Would hale him to the nearest tree And leave him swinging wide and free.



Or sometimes, if the humor came, A luckless wight's reluctant frame Was given to the cheerful flame.



While it was turning nice and brown, All unconcerned John met the frown Of that austere and righteous town.



"How sad," his neighbors said, "that he So scornful of the law should be -- An anar c, h, i, s, t."



(That is the way that they preferred To utter the abhorrent word, So strong the aversion that it stirred.)



"Resolved," they said, continuing,

"That Badman John must cease this thing Of having his unlawful fling.



"Now, by these sacred relics" --here Each man had out a souvenir Got at a lynching yesteryear --



"By these we swear he shall forsake His ways, nor cause our hearts to ache By sins of rope and torch and stake.



"We'll tie his red right hand until He'll have small freedom to fulfil The mandates of his lawless will."



So, in convention then and there, They named him Sheriff. The affair Was opened, it is said, with prayer. --J. Milton Sloluck

 Ambrose Bierce quotes (American Writer, Journalist and Editor, 1842-1914)
Book: Devil's Dictionary quotes

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southern synonyms: southerly.
southern antonyms: Northern.
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