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| “"Hi. You know with everything going down in West Palm Beach, and the holidays right around the corner I couldn't think of a better time to share one of my favorite children's classics, it's called: "How the Grinch Stole the Election". And ah--I'd like to read it to you now, shall we?|
Every Jew down in Jew-vile liked elections a lot,
But the Grinch who lived over in Austin did not.
I know they'll be voting for Gore, he was thinking,
By Wednesday--the latest--I'll be back to my drinking.
Election Day came and the voting was close,
At one point the Grinch even started to boast,
'It's the Grinch by a nose!' all the newsmen exclaimed,
Even Dan Rather who was clearly insane.
But was he the winner, hey not so fast--
Al Gore called him up and said, "Grinch, kiss my ass!"
The race was too tight to say who was elected,
The Grinch was so stressed his face got infected.
All eyes turned to Jewville to sort out the mess,
But Hyman and Hershel and dear old Aunt Bess,
Were too senile to vote for the one that they liked,
They poked the wrong hole and joined the Third Reich.
The Jews down in Jewville took to the streets,
To complain about fraud, not to mention the heat.
The Grinch said something that couldn't be gosher,
'This election my friends, is perfectly kosher.'
Then a judge ruled each vote should be counted by hand,
The Grinch said, 'That's not what my brother Jeb had planned.'
His lawyers filed motions and junctions and writs,
Demanding that Gore and the Jews call it quits.
But just when the Grinch thought the deal had gone through,
He met Cindy Lou Lipshitz, age 92.
'Why?' she cried, 'Did you steal our election?'
The Grinch just laughed and gave her a lethal injection.
They say the Grinch's ego grew 3 sizes that day,
Unfortunately his brain went the opposite way.
So here's a lesson for now and for later,
Don’t blame me-- I voted for Nader!"”
Bill Maher quotes (American Comedian, Actor, Writer and Producer. b.1956)
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Related Quotations by keyword: poked
| “Ximinez: Now, old woman -- you are accused of heresy on three counts -- heresy by thought, heresy by word, heresy by deed, and heresy by action -- *four* counts. Do you confess?|
Wilde: I don't understand what I'm accused of.
Ximinez: Ha! Then we'll make you understand! Biggles! Fetch...THE CUSHIONS!
Biggles: Here they are, lord.
Ximinez: Now, old lady -- you have one last chance. Confess the heinous sin of heresy, reject the works of the ungodly -- *two* last chances. And you shall be free -- *three* last chances. You have three last chances, the nature of which I have divulged in my previous utterance.
Wilde: I don't know what you're talking about.
Ximinez: Right! If that's the way you want it -- Cardinal! Poke her with the soft cushions!
Ximinez: Confess! Confess! Confess!
Biggles: It doesn't seem to be hurting her, lord.
Ximinez: Have you got all the stuffing up one end?
Biggles: Yes, lord.”
Monty Python quotes (Creators and stars of the television comedy series Monty Python's Flying Circus.)
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