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“Yeah, I know, some people are against drunk driving, and I call those people "the cops." But you know, sometimes, you've just got no choice; those kids gotta get to school!”
Dave Attell quotes

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“You know, men and women are a lot alike in certain situations. Like when they're both on fire - they're exactly alike.”
Dave Attell quotes
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“Doesn't matter what you say or do; people can always find a way to call you a dick.”
Eyemadreamer Dave Attell quotes
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“Electricity is actually made up of extremely tiny particles called electrons that you cannot see with the naked eye unless you have been drinking.”
Dave Barry quotes (American Writer and Humorist best known for his weekly newspaper column. b.1947)
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“If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten”
George Carlin quotes (American stand-up Comedian, Actor and Author. b.1937)
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“The problem with the designated driver program, it's not a desirable job, but if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house.”
Jeff Foxworthy quotes (American comedian, b.1958)
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“Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar.”
Drew Carey quotes (American Comedian, b.1958)
Similar Quotes. About: Humor quotes, Funny quotes, Hate quotes, Jobs quotes.
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“The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live”
George Carlin quotes (American stand-up Comedian, Actor and Author. b.1937)
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“It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.”
George F. Burns quotes (American comedian 1896-1996)
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“When someone is impatient and says, "I haven't got all day," I always wonder, How can that be? How can you not have all day?”
George Carlin quotes (American stand-up Comedian, Actor and Author. b.1937)
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“The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done.”
George Carlin quotes (American stand-up Comedian, Actor and Author. b.1937)
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