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“Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?? I'm halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh my God....I could be eating a slow learner.”
Lynda Montgomery quotes
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“If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried”

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“Do you know why they call it 'PMS'? Because 'Mad Cow Disease' was already taken.”

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“A foolish man tells a woman to stop talking, but a wise man tells her that her mouth is extremely beautiful when her lips are closed”

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“I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure”

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“I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.”
Rodney Dangerfield quotes (American Comedian, 1921-2004)
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“You can only be young once. But you can always be immature.”
Dave Barry quotes (American Writer and Humorist best known for his weekly newspaper column. b.1947)
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“Borrow money from a pessimist - they don't expect it back”

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“I guess I just prefer to see the dark side of things. The glass is always half empty. And cracked. And I just cut my lip on it. And chipped a tooth.”
Janeane Garofalo quotes (American Actress and Comedian. b.1964 Newton, New Jersey, USA)
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“Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.”

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“I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.”
Winston Churchill quotes (British Orator, Author and Prime Minister during World War II. 1874-1965)
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