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“When I was born I was so surprised I didn't talk for a year and a half.”
Gracie Allen quotes (American Actress and Comedian. 1906-1964)
About: Funny quotes, Birth quotes. For: Birth quotes.
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“When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It's a whole different way of thinking.”
Elayne Boosler quotes (American Comedian and Activist. b.1952)
Similar Quotes. About: Funny quotes, Men and Women quotes, Men quotes, Women quotes.
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“Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar.”
Drew Carey quotes (American Comedian, b.1958)
Similar Quotes. About: Humor quotes, Funny quotes, Hate quotes, Jobs quotes.
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“I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.”
Will Shriner quotes (American Comedian, b.1953)
Similar Quotes. About: Funny quotes, Death and dying quotes.
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“My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is.”
Ellen DeGeneres quotes (American Actress and stand-up Comedian, b.1958 New Orleans, Louisiana, USA)
Similar Quotes. About: Funny quotes.
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“Since light travels faster than sound, people appear bright until you hear them speak.”
santiz
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“Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.”
Jack Handey quotes (American Comic Writer, Comedian and Actor on SNL. Famous for his Deep Thoughts, b.1949)
Similar Quotes. About: Funny quotes.
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“Just because nobody complains doesn't mean all parachutes are perfect.”
Benny Hill quotes (English Comedian and Humorist, 1924-1992)
Similar Quotes. About: Funny quotes.
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“I guess I just prefer to see the dark side of things. The glass is always half empty. And cracked. And I just cut my lip on it. And chipped a tooth.”
Janeane Garofalo quotes (American Actress and Comedian. b.1964 Newton, New Jersey, USA)
Similar Quotes. About: Funny quotes.
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“Americans have different ways of saying things. They say "elevator", we say "lift"... they say "President", we say "stupid psychopathic git.”
Alexai Sayle quotes
Similar Quotes. About: Funny quotes, America and Americans quotes.
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“If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried”

Similar Quotes. About: Funny quotes. For: Funny T-shirt quotes.
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