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“We'll try to cooperate fully with the IRS, because, as citizens, we feel a strong patriotic duty not to go to jail.”

Dave Barry quotes (American Writer and Humorist best known for his weekly newspaper column. b.1947)

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“All of us are born with a set of instinctive fears - of falling, of the dark, of lobsters, of falling on lobsters in the dark, or speaking before a Rotary Club, and of the words "Some Assembly Required”

Dave Barry quotes (American Writer and Humorist best known for his weekly newspaper column. b.1947)

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“Eating rice cakes is like chewing on a foam coffee cup, only less filling.”

Dave Barry quotes (American Writer and Humorist best known for his weekly newspaper column. b.1947)

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“If you asked me to name the three scariest threats facing the human race, I would give the same answer that most people would: nuclear war, global warming and Windows.”

Dave Barry quotes (American Writer and Humorist best known for his weekly newspaper column. b.1947)

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“Life is anything that dies when you stomp on it.”

Dave Barry quotes (American Writer and Humorist best known for his weekly newspaper column. b.1947)

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“It always rains on tents. Rainstorms will travel thousands of miles, against prevailing winds for the opportunity to rain on a tent.”

Dave Barry quotes (American Writer and Humorist best known for his weekly newspaper column. b.1947)

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“Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.”

Dave Barry quotes (American Writer and Humorist best known for his weekly newspaper column. b.1947)

Similar Quotes. About: Humor quotes, Mankind quotes, Inventions quotes, History quotes.

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“And computers are getting smarter all the time: scientists tell us that soon they will be able to talk to us. (By they I mean computers: I doubt scientists will ever be able to talk to us.)”

Dave Barry quotes (American Writer and Humorist best known for his weekly newspaper column. b.1947)

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“If you have a big enough dictionary, just about everything is a word.”

Dave Barry quotes (American Writer and Humorist best known for his weekly newspaper column. b.1947)

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“The primary function of the government is - and here I am quoting directly from the U.S. Constitution - "to spew out paper."”

Dave Barry quotes (American Writer and Humorist best known for his weekly newspaper column. b.1947)

Similar Quotes. About: Government quotes.

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“In fact, when you get right down to it, almost every explanation Man came up with for anything until about 1926 was stupid”

Dave Barry quotes (American Writer and Humorist best known for his weekly newspaper column. b.1947)

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