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“War continues in Iraq. They're calling it Operation Iraqi Freedom. They were going to call it Operation Iraqi Liberation until they realized that spells 'OIL.'"”

Jay Leno quotes (American TV Host and Comedian, b.1950)

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“Some Democrats say the estimated $60 billion dollar cost of a war with Iraq could be better spent at home. When he heard that, President Bush agreed and announced plans to bomb Ohio.”

Jay Leno quotes (American TV Host and Comedian, b.1950)

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“Politics is just show business for ugly people”

Jay Leno quotes (American TV Host and Comedian, b.1950)

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“Bush is smart. I don't think that Bush will ever be impeached, 'cause unlike Clinton, Reagan, or even his father, George W. is immune from scandal. Because, if George W. testifies that he had no idea what was going on, wouldn't you believe him?”

Jay Leno quotes (American TV Host and Comedian, b.1950)

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“President Bush said it's now time for a change in Iraq and he wants them to have a Western-style democracy like ours. So right now in Iraq, the economy is collapsing, businessmen are corrupt, and Hussein wants his son to take over as president. Sounds like mission accomplished.”

Jay Leno quotes (American TV Host and Comedian, b.1950)

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“The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot.”

Jay Leno quotes (American TV Host and Comedian, b.1950)

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“I went into a McDonald's yesterday and said, "I'd like some fries." The girl at the counter said, "Would you like some fries with that?"”

Jay Leno quotes (American TV Host and Comedian, b.1950)

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“Today President Bush ordered an investigation into whether it is appropriate to have civilians with no experience running a Navy sub. Hey, how about an investigation into whether it's appropriate to have a civilian with no experience running the country?”

Jay Leno quotes (American TV Host and Comedian, b.1950)

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“Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.”

Jack Handey quotes (American Comic Writer, Comedian and Actor on SNL. Famous for his Deep Thoughts, b.1949)

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“Iraq began destroying those missiles they don't have over the weekend. See, President Bush may be the smartest military president in history. First, he gets Iraq to destroy all of their own weapons. Then he declares war.”

Jay Leno quotes (American TV Host and Comedian, b.1950)

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“Twenty-one years ago today Saddam Hussein was first elected president of Iraq and he has been re-elected ever since. Apparently they have the same electoral process we do, you don't need the popular vote to win.”

Jay Leno quotes (American TV Host and Comedian, b.1950)

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