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“Technically, Windows is an "operating system," which means that it supplies your computer with the basic commands that it needs to suddenly, with no warning whatsoever, stop operating.”

Dave Barry quotes (American Writer and Humorist best known for his weekly newspaper column. b.1947)

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“Gravity is a contributing factor in nearly 73 percent of all accidents involving falling objects.”

Dave Barry quotes (American Writer and Humorist best known for his weekly newspaper column. b.1947)

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“What, exactly, is the internet? Basically it is a global network exchanging digitized data in such a way that any computer, anywhere, that is equipped with a device called a 'modem', can make a noise like a duck choking on a kazoo”

Dave Barry quotes (American Writer and Humorist best known for his weekly newspaper column. b.1947)

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“Experts agree that the best type of computer for your individual needs is one that comes on the market about two days after you actually purchase some other computer.”

Dave Barry quotes (American Writer and Humorist best known for his weekly newspaper column. b.1947)

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“I recently had my annual physical examination, which I get once every seven years, and when the nurse weighed me, I was shocked to discover how much stronger the Earth's gravitational pull has become since 1990.”

Dave Barry quotes (American Writer and Humorist best known for his weekly newspaper column. b.1947)

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“Life is anything that dies when you stomp on it.”

Dave Barry quotes (American Writer and Humorist best known for his weekly newspaper column. b.1947)

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“The difference between men and women is that, if given the choice between saving the life of an infant or catching a fly ball, a woman will automatically choose to save the infant, without even considering if there's a man on base.”

Dave Barry quotes (American Writer and Humorist best known for his weekly newspaper column. b.1947)

Similar Quotes. About: Men and Women quotes.

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“We'll try to cooperate fully with the IRS, because, as citizens, we feel a strong patriotic duty not to go to jail.”

Dave Barry quotes (American Writer and Humorist best known for his weekly newspaper column. b.1947)

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“All of us are born with a set of instinctive fears - of falling, of the dark, of lobsters, of falling on lobsters in the dark, or speaking before a Rotary Club, and of the words "Some Assembly Required”

Dave Barry quotes (American Writer and Humorist best known for his weekly newspaper column. b.1947)

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“Americans who travel abroad for the first time are often shocked to discover that, despite all the progress that has been made in the last 30 years, many foreign people still speak in foreign languages”

Dave Barry quotes (American Writer and Humorist best known for his weekly newspaper column. b.1947)

Similar Quotes. About: Travel quotes, Funny quotes, Language quotes, America and Americans quotes, Comedy quotes.

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“Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.”

Dave Barry quotes (American Writer and Humorist best known for his weekly newspaper column. b.1947)

Similar Quotes. About: Humor quotes, Mankind quotes, Inventions quotes, History quotes.

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