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“Sheep are not considered the most intelligent animals but British scientist say humans may have underestimated the woolly creatures. In fact, the British scientific community is even suggesting that the animals might even be "Irish-smart."”
Jon Stewart quotes (American Comedian and Actor, b.1962)

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“We have it. The smoking gun. The evidence. The potential weapon of mass destruction we have been looking for as our pretext of invading Iraq. There's just one problem - it's in North Korea.”
Jon Stewart quotes (American Comedian and Actor, b.1962)
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“Thou shall not kill. Thou shall not commit adultery. Don't eat pork. I'm sorry, what was that last one?? Don't eat pork. God has spoken. Is that the word of God or is that pigs trying to outsmart everybody?”
rainstormsong Jon Stewart quotes (American Comedian and Actor, b.1962)
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“Yesterday, the president met with a group he calls the coalition of the willing. Or, as the rest of the world calls them, Britain and Spain.”
Jon Stewart quotes (American Comedian and Actor, b.1962)
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“Here's the point - you're looking at affirmative action, and you're looking at marijuana. You legalize marijuana, no need for quotas, because really, who's gonna wanna work?”
Jon Stewart quotes (American Comedian and Actor, b.1962)
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“Scores of Iraqi exiles met in London to discuss ways to overthrow Saddam Hussein in a grand gathering dubbed the 'Iraqi Military Alliance Meeting.' Of course, these people are no longer Iraqi, they have no military, and there is no alliance. But they did have a meeting.”
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“I've been to Canada, and I've always gotten the impression that I could take the country over in about two days.”
Jon Stewart quotes (American Comedian and Actor, b.1962)
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“I'm not just a boy toy. I have feelings and dreams like anybody else.”
Jon Stewart quotes (American Comedian and Actor, b.1962)
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“Despite his infirmities, Strom Thurmond showed up to work every day and did not miss a Senate vote in his final year, though no one is sure if a shouted "Bingo!" counted as a yea or a nay.”
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“If the evens of September 11, 2001, have proven anything, it's that the terrorists can attack us, but they can't take away what makes us American - our freedom, our liberty, our civil rights. No, only Attorney General John Ashcroft can do that.”
EvolveToAnarchy Jon Stewart quotes (American Comedian and Actor, b.1962)
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“I always knew I shouldn't have said that.”
extempore88 Jon Stewart quotes (American Comedian and Actor, b.1962)
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