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Probably the toughest time in anyone's life is when you have to murder a loved one because they're the devil.
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I ran three miles today. Finally I said, "Lady take your purse."
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My mother was like a sister to me, only we didn't have sex quite so often.
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I once had a large gay following, but I ducked into an alleyway and lost him.
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People come up to me and say, "Emo, do people really come up to you?"
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Well, my brother says Hello. So, hooray for speech therapy.
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In our school you were searched for guns and knifes on the way in and if you didn't have any, they gave you some.
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I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
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I was pulled over in Massachusetts for reckless driving. When brought before the judge, I was asked if I knew what the punishment for drunk driving in that state was. I said, "I don't know... reelection to the Senate?"
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I was at a bar nursing a beer. My nipple was getting quite soggy.
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