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“People are bringing shotguns to UFO sightings in Fife, Alabama. I asked a guy, "Why do you bring a gun to a UFO sighting?" Guy said, "Way-ul, we didn' wanna be ab-duc-ted." If I lived in Fife, Alabama, I would be on my hands and knees every night praying for abduction.”
santiz Bill Hicks quotes (American Comedian, b.1961)

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“The worst kind of non-smokers are the ones that come up to you and cough. That's pretty fucking cruel isn't it? Do you go up to cripples and dance too?”
santiz Bill Hicks quotes (American Comedian, b.1961)
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“You ever noticed how people who believe in Creationism look really unevolved? You ever noticed that? Eyes real close together, eyebrow ridges, big furry hands and feet. "I believe God created me in one day" Yeah, looks like He rushed it.”
santiz Bill Hicks quotes (American Comedian, b.1961)
Similar Quotes. About: Funny quotes, Evolution quotes, Creationism quotes.
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“I love the Pope, I love seeing him in his Pope-Mobile, his three feet of bullet proof plexi-glass. That's faith in action folks! You know he's got God on his side.”
santiz Bill Hicks quotes (American Comedian, b.1961)
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“A lot of Christians wear crosses around their necks. You think when Jesus comes back he ever wants to see a fucking cross? It's like going up to Jackie Onassis wearing a rifle pendant.”
santiz Bill Hicks quotes (American Comedian, b.1961)
Similar Quotes. About: Funny quotes.
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“They lie about marijuana. Tell you pot-smoking makes you unmotivated. Lie! When you're high, you can do everything you normally do, just as well. You just realize that it's not worth the fucking effort. There is a difference.”
santiz Bill Hicks quotes (American Comedian, b.1961)
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“I have never seen two people on pot get in a fight because it is fucking IMPOSSIBLE. "Hey, buddy!" "Hey, what?" "Ummmmmmm...." End of argument.”
santiz Bill Hicks quotes (American Comedian, b.1961)
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“You believe the world's 12 thousand years old? "That's right." Okay I got one word to ask you, a one word question, ready? "Uh huh." Dinosaurs. You know the world's 12 thousand years old and dinosaurs existed, they existed in that time, you'd think it would have been mentioned in the fucking Bible at some point. "And lo Jesus and the disciples walked to Nazareth. But the trail was blocked by a giant brontosaurus...with a splinter in his paw. And O the disciples did run a shriekin': 'What a big fucking lizard, Lord!' But Jesus was unafraid and he took the splinter from the brontosaurus's paw and the big lizard became his friend.”
xxxbefxxx Bill Hicks quotes (American Comedian, b.1961)
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“It's always funny until someone gets hurt. Then it's just hilarious.”
santiz Bill Hicks quotes (American Comedian, b.1961)
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“They blow themselves up in order to get at us, and we launch 3 million dollar missiles off of giant floating iron islands 2000 miles away -- Who are the real cowards?”
Bill Hicks quotes (American Comedian, b.1961)
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“Children are smarter than any of us. Know how I know that? I don't know one child with a full time job and children.”
Bill Hicks quotes (American Comedian, b.1961)
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