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“People always ask me, 'Were you funny as a child?' Well, no, I was an accountant.”
Ellen DeGeneres quotes (American Actress and stand-up Comedian, b.1958 New Orleans, Louisiana, USA)

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“My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is.”
Ellen DeGeneres quotes (American Actress and stand-up Comedian, b.1958 New Orleans, Louisiana, USA)
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“I'm a godmother, that's a great thing to be, a godmother. She calls me god for short, that's cute, I taught her that.”
Ellen DeGeneres quotes (American Actress and stand-up Comedian, b.1958 New Orleans, Louisiana, USA)
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“In the beginning there was nothing. God said, 'Let there be light!' And there was light. There was still nothing, but you could see it a whole lot better.”
Ellen DeGeneres quotes (American Actress and stand-up Comedian, b.1958 New Orleans, Louisiana, USA)
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“I ask people why they have deer heads on their walls. They always say because it's such a beautiful animal. There you go. I think my mother is attractive, but I have photographs of her.”
Ellen DeGeneres quotes (American Actress and stand-up Comedian, b.1958 New Orleans, Louisiana, USA)
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“Normal is getting dressed in clothes that you buy for work and driving through traffic in a car that you are still paying for - in order to get to the job you need to pay for the clothes and the car, and the house you leave vacant all day so you can afford to live in it.”
Missy6128 Ellen DeGeneres quotes (American Actress and stand-up Comedian, b.1958 New Orleans, Louisiana, USA)
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“Just go up to somebody on the street and say "You're it!" and just run away.”
Missy6128 Ellen DeGeneres quotes (American Actress and stand-up Comedian, b.1958 New Orleans, Louisiana, USA)
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“I was coming home from kindergarten - well they told me it was kindergarten. I found out later I had been working in a factory for ten years. It's good for a kid to know how to make gloves.”
Ellen DeGeneres quotes (American Actress and stand-up Comedian, b.1958 New Orleans, Louisiana, USA)
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“"I think people talk too much anyway. Sometimes people are talking to me and in my mind I'm just like "shut up, shut up, shut up...blah blah blah blah blaaaaah."”
Missy6128 Ellen DeGeneres quotes (American Actress and stand-up Comedian, b.1958 New Orleans, Louisiana, USA)
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“"I swear if Colgate comes out with one more type of toothepaste. I just want clean teeth that's all I want. I don't want the tartar and I don't want the cavaties. And I want white teeth. How come I have to choose? And then they have the 'Colgate Total' that supposedly has everything in there. I don't believe that for one second. If it's all in the one, how come they make all the others? Who's going: "I don't mind the tartar so much."?"”
Missy6128 Ellen DeGeneres quotes (American Actress and stand-up Comedian, b.1958 New Orleans, Louisiana, USA)
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“Friends will write me letters. They run out of room on the front of the letter. They write 'over' on the bottom of the letter. Like I'm that much of a moron. Like I need that there. Because if it wasn't there, I'd get to the bottom of the page: 'And so Kathy and I went shopping and we--' That's the craziest thing! I don't know why she would just end it that way.”
Missy6128 Ellen DeGeneres quotes (American Actress and stand-up Comedian, b.1958 New Orleans, Louisiana, USA)
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