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“Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night”
Dave Barry quotes (American Writer and Humorist best known for his weekly newspaper column. b.1947)
About: Humor quotes, Funny quotes.
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31-40 Quotations of 2642

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“I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens.”
Woody Allen quotes (American Actor, Author, Screenwriter and Film Director, b.1935)
Similar Quotes. About: Funny quotes.
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“An optimist will tell you the glass is half-full; the pessimist, half-empty; and the engineer will tell you the glass is twice the size it needs to be”

Similar Quotes. About: Funny quotes, Pessimism quotes, Optimism quotes.
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“I started out with nothing. I still have most of it.”
Michael Davis quotes
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“A thunderstorm is God's way of saying you spend too much time in front of the computer”

Similar Quotes. About: Funny quotes, Computers quotes.
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“Shin: Device for finding furniture in the dark”

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“I guess I just prefer to see the dark side of things. The glass is always half empty. And cracked. And I just cut my lip on it. And chipped a tooth.”
Janeane Garofalo quotes (American Actress and Comedian. b.1964 Newton, New Jersey, USA)
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“Everything is funny as long as it is happening to someone else”
Will Rogers quotes (American entertainer, famous for his pithy and homespun humour, 1879-1935)
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“The problem with the designated driver program, it's not a desirable job, but if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house.”
Jeff Foxworthy quotes (American comedian, b.1958)
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“If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.”
George Gobal quotes
Similar Quotes. About: Funny quotes, Television quotes.
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“When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It's a whole different way of thinking.”
Elayne Boosler quotes (American Comedian and Activist. b.1952)
Similar Quotes. About: Funny quotes, Men and Women quotes, Men quotes, Women quotes.
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