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“Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night”
Dave Barry quotes (American Writer and Humorist best known for his weekly newspaper column. b.1947)
About: Humor quotes, Funny quotes.
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“Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?? I'm halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh my God....I could be eating a slow learner.”
Lynda Montgomery quotes
Similar Quotes. About: Food quotes, Funny quotes.
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“Do you know why they call it 'PMS'? Because 'Mad Cow Disease' was already taken.”

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“Magnetism is one of the Six Fundamental Forces of the Universe, with the other five being Gravity, Duct Tape, Whining, Remote Control, and The Force That Pulls Dogs Toward The Groins Of Strangers.”
Dave Barry quotes (American Writer and Humorist best known for his weekly newspaper column. b.1947)
Similar Quotes. About: Funny quotes.
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“I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.”
Rodney Dangerfield quotes (American Comedian, 1921-2004)
Similar Quotes. About: Funny quotes, Relationships quotes.
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“Scientists tell us that the fastest animal on earth, with a top speed of 120 feet per second, is a cow that has been dropped out of a helicopter.”
Dave Barry quotes (American Writer and Humorist best known for his weekly newspaper column. b.1947)
Similar Quotes. About: Funny quotes.
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“See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.”
Robin Williams quotes (American actor)
Similar Quotes. About: Humor quotes, Funny quotes, God quotes, Comedy quotes.
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“Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.”

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“A foolish man tells a woman to stop talking, but a wise man tells her that her mouth is extremely beautiful when her lips are closed”

Similar Quotes. About: Funny quotes, Men and Women quotes, Foolishness quotes, Women quotes.
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“Remember in elementary school you were told that in case of fire you have to line up quietly in a single file from smallest to tallest? What is the logic in that? What, do tall people burn slower?”
Warren Hutcherson quotes
Similar Quotes. About: Funny quotes.
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“If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?”
Stephen Wright quotes (American Actor and Writer, b.1955)
Similar Quotes. About: Funny quotes, Cats quotes.
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