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“Never play peekaboo with a child on a long plane trip. There's no end to the game. Finally I grabbed him by the bib and said, "Look, it's always gonna be me!"”
Rita Rudner quotes (American Writer and Comedian, b.1955 Miami, Florida, USA)

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“Neurotics build castles in the air, psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them.”
Rita Rudner quotes (American Writer and Comedian, b.1955 Miami, Florida, USA)
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“I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.”
Rita Rudner quotes (American Writer and Comedian, b.1955 Miami, Florida, USA)
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“I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.”
Rita Rudner quotes (American Writer and Comedian, b.1955 Miami, Florida, USA)
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“It wasn't that no one asked me to the prom, it was that no one would tell me where it was”
Rita Rudner quotes (American Writer and Comedian, b.1955 Miami, Florida, USA)
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“Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same thing: 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?”
Rita Rudner quotes (American Writer and Comedian, b.1955 Miami, Florida, USA)
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“I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don't even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours.”
Rita Rudner quotes (American Writer and Comedian, b.1955 Miami, Florida, USA)
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“I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor's office was full of portraits by Picasso.”
Rita Rudner quotes (American Writer and Comedian, b.1955 Miami, Florida, USA)
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“When I eventually met Mr Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.”
Rita Rudner quotes (American Writer and Comedian, b.1955 Miami, Florida, USA)
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“The word 'aerobics' came about when the gym instructors got together and said: If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it Jumping up and down.”
Rita Rudner quotes (American Writer and Comedian, b.1955 Miami, Florida, USA)
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“I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.”
Rita Rudner quotes (American Writer and Comedian, b.1955 Miami, Florida, USA)
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