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“My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.”
Rodney Dangerfield quotes (American Comedian, 1921-2004)

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21-30 Quotations of 36

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“Life is just a bowl of pits.”
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“If it wasn't for pick-pockets I'd have no sex life at all.”
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“My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.”
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“This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me.”
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“I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.”
crzmunkey45 Rodney Dangerfield quotes (American Comedian, 1921-2004)
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“When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.”
elshell Rodney Dangerfield quotes (American Comedian, 1921-2004)
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“It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass.”
Rodney Dangerfield quotes (American Comedian, 1921-2004)
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“Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves a pyramid.”
Rodney Dangerfield quotes (American Comedian, 1921-2004)
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“I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand.”
Rodney Dangerfield quotes (American Comedian, 1921-2004)
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“I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.”
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