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“My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.”
Rodney Dangerfield quotes (American Comedian, 1921-2004)

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“My mother never breast-fed me. She told me she liked me as a friend.”
Rodney Dangerfield quotes (American Comedian, 1921-2004)
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“I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.”
Rodney Dangerfield quotes (American Comedian, 1921-2004)
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“I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.”
crzmunkey45 Rodney Dangerfield quotes (American Comedian, 1921-2004)
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“Love sees sharply, hatred sees even more sharp, but Jealousy sees the sharpest for it is love and hate at the same time”
Marleen Arab Proverb quotes
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“My wife was afraid of the dark... then she saw me naked and now she's afraid of the light.”
Rodney Dangerfield quotes (American Comedian, 1921-2004)
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“My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive.”
Rodney Dangerfield quotes (American Comedian, 1921-2004)
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“Yeah, I know I'm ugly... I said to a bartender, 'Make me a zombie.' He said 'God beat me to it.'”
Rodney Dangerfield quotes (American Comedian, 1921-2004)
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“I found there was only one way to look thin, hang out with fat people.”
Rodney Dangerfield quotes (American Comedian, 1921-2004)
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“I was such an ugly kid - When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up”
Rodney Dangerfield quotes (American Comedian, 1921-2004)
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“One year they wanted to make me poster boy - for birth control”
Rodney Dangerfield quotes (American Comedian, 1921-2004)
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