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“My sister wanted to be an actress. She never made it, but she does live in a trailer... so she got halfway. She's an actress, she's just never called to the set.”
Mitch Hedberg quotes (American Comedian, 1968-2005)
About: Funny quotes, Comedy quotes, Acting quotes, Actor quotes.
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“I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later.”
Mitch Hedberg quotes (American Comedian, 1968-2005)
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“An escalator can never break: it can only become stairs. You would never see an Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order sign, just Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience.”
Mitch Hedberg quotes (American Comedian, 1968-2005)
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“I want to be a race car passenger: just a guy who bugs the driver. Say man, can I turn on the radio? You should slow down. Why do we gotta keep going in circles? Can I put my feet out the window? Man, you really like Tide...”
Mitch Hedberg quotes (American Comedian, 1968-2005)
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“I would imagine if you could understand Morse Code, a tap dancer would drive you crazy.”
Mitch Hedberg quotes (American Comedian, 1968-2005)
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“On a traffic light green means go and yellow means yield, but on a banana it's just the opposite. Green means hold on, yellow means go ahead, and red means where the hell did you get that banana at...”
Mitch Hedberg quotes (American Comedian, 1968-2005)
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“My belt holds my pants up, but the belt loops hold my belt up. So which ones the real hero?”
MrFrostie Mitch Hedberg quotes (American Comedian, 1968-2005)
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“I haven't slept for ten days, because that would be too long.”
Mitch Hedberg quotes (American Comedian, 1968-2005)
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“I love blackjack. But I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi circle.”
Mitch Hedberg quotes (American Comedian, 1968-2005)
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“2-in-1 is a bullshit term, because 1 is not big enough to hold 2. That's why 2 was created.”
Mitch Hedberg quotes (American Comedian, 1968-2005)
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“I think fooseball is a combination of soccer and shishkabobs.”
Str4wb3rry Mitch Hedberg quotes (American Comedian, 1968-2005)
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