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“My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.”
Erma Bombeck quotes (U.S. humorist, 1927-1996)

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“Housework, if you do it right, will kill you.”
Erma Bombeck quotes (U.S. humorist, 1927-1996)
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“I haven't trusted polls since I read that 62% of women had affairs during their lunch hour. I've never met a woman in my life who would give up lunch for sex.”
Erma Bombeck quotes (U.S. humorist, 1927-1996)
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“My theory on housework is, if the item doesn't multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you?”
Erma Bombeck quotes (U.S. humorist, 1927-1996)
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“Do you know what you call those who use towels and never wash them, eat meals and never do the dishes, sit in rooms they never clean, and are entertained till they drop? If you have just answered, "A house guest," you're wrong because I have just described my kids.”
Erma Bombeck quotes (U.S. humorist, 1927-1996)
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“It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else.”
Erma Bombeck quotes (U.S. humorist, 1927-1996)
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“Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving.”
Erma Bombeck quotes (U.S. humorist, 1927-1996)
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“In two decades I've lost a total of 789 pounds. I should be hanging from a charm bracelet.”
Erma Bombeck quotes (U.S. humorist, 1927-1996)
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“If you can't make it better, you can laugh at it.”
Erma Bombeck quotes (U.S. humorist, 1927-1996)
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“It is ludicrous to read the microwave direction on the boxes of food you buy, as each one will have a disclaimer: "THIS WILL VARY WITH YOUR MICROWAVE." Loosely translated, this means, "You're on your own, Bernice."”
Erma Bombeck quotes (U.S. humorist, 1927-1996)
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“The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.”
Erma Bombeck quotes (U.S. humorist, 1927-1996)
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