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“My play was a complete success. The audience was a failure.”
Ashleigh Brilliant quotes (English Author and Cartoonist, b.1933)
About: Funny quotes.
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“Remember in elementary school you were told that in case of fire you have to line up quietly in a single file from smallest to tallest? What is the logic in that? What, do tall people burn slower?”
Warren Hutcherson quotes
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“Sometimes I lie awake at night, and ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'”
Charles M. Schulz quotes (American cartoonist, 1922-2000) Character: Charlie Brown quotes. Book: Peanuts quotes
Similar Quotes. About: Humor quotes, Wisdom quotes, Funny quotes, Lies quotes, Questioning quotes.
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“Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?? I'm halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh my God....I could be eating a slow learner.”
Lynda Montgomery quotes
Similar Quotes. About: Food quotes, Funny quotes.
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“Borrow money from a pessimist - they don't expect it back”

Similar Quotes. About: Funny quotes.
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“Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia.”
Charles M. Schulz quotes (American cartoonist, 1922-2000)
Similar Quotes. About: Cute quotes, Funny quotes, World quotes.
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“I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.”
Rodney Dangerfield quotes (American Comedian, 1921-2004)
Similar Quotes. About: Funny quotes, Relationships quotes.
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“Speak when you are angry - and you'll make the best speech you'll ever regret.”
Dr. Laurence J. Peter quotes (American "hierarchiologist", Educator and Writer, 1919-1990)
Similar Quotes. About: Communication quotes, Funny quotes, Anger quotes, Speech quotes.
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“Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar.”
Drew Carey quotes (American Comedian, b.1958)
Similar Quotes. About: Humor quotes, Funny quotes, Hate quotes, Jobs quotes.
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“A foolish man tells a woman to stop talking, but a wise man tells her that her mouth is extremely beautiful when her lips are closed”

Similar Quotes. About: Funny quotes, Men and Women quotes, Foolishness quotes, Women quotes.
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“Everything is funny as long as it is happening to someone else”
Will Rogers quotes (American entertainer, famous for his pithy and homespun humour, 1879-1935)
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