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“My play was a complete success. The audience was a failure.”
Ashleigh Brilliant quotes (English Author and Cartoonist, b.1933)
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“Since light travels faster than sound, people appear bright until you hear them speak.”
santiz
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“When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.”
Emo Philips quotes
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“Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.”
Jack Handey quotes (American Comic Writer, Comedian and Actor on SNL. Famous for his Deep Thoughts, b.1949)
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“If you can't convince them, confuse them.”
Harry S Truman quotes (American 33rd President of the United States, 1884-1972)
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“I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.”
Will Shriner quotes (American Comedian, b.1953)
Similar Quotes. About: Funny quotes, Death and dying quotes.
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“The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it.”
Franklin P. Jones quotes (American Businessman, 1887-1929)
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“Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic.”

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“You can only be young once. But you can always be immature.”
Dave Barry quotes (American Writer and Humorist best known for his weekly newspaper column. b.1947)
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“If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried”

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“An optimist will tell you the glass is half-full; the pessimist, half-empty; and the engineer will tell you the glass is twice the size it needs to be”

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