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““It’s absolutely stupid that we live without an ozone layer. We have men, we’ve got rockets, we’ve got saran wrap – FIX IT!!!””
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“These ballot initiatives remind us that America is the land where people are free to dream whatever they want, so long as that dream doesn't make Midwesterners feel icky!”
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“And I know this happens because I took economics, and I'd explain it to yea' - but I flunked that course. Not my fault. They taught it at 8 o'clock in the morning. And there is absolutely nothing you can learn out of one bloodshot eye.”
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“In my lifetime, we've gone from Eisenhower to George W. Bush. We've gone from John F. Kennedy to Al Gore. If this is evolution, I believe that in twelve years, we'll be voting for plants.”
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“A republican stands up in congress and says 'I GOT A REALLY BAD IDEA!!' and the democrat stands up after him and says 'AND I CAN MAKE IT SHITTIER!!'”
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“Republicans have nothing but bad ideas and Democrats have no ideas.”
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“If the people of New Zealand want to be part of our world, I believe they should hop off their islands, and push 'em closer.”
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“I'm just so looking forward to seeing Dick Cheney because it's like the sighting of a rare white elk when he shows up. And I don't even think it's Dick Cheney anymore. We see him so rarely ... that I think he may be my old shop teacher.”
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“If you listen to a song and get an image in your head, and then you go home and watch mtv and the image they're showing is the same as the one in your head, kill yourself. You're better off coming back as a lobster.”
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“Why would you hire MTV to do music? MTV has nothing to do with music, ok? MTV is to music as KFC is to chicken. MTV is video, and video goes where? In your eye, music goes in your ear. Ear eye, eye ear, big f***ing difference! Music is like a drug, when you hear it you have a vision, and that vision can change over time or remain the same.”
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“If you want to elect Bush, that's the prick that I'm gonna yell about. If you want to elect John Kerry, I'm gonna be yelling about him. My problem is with authority.”
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