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“Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink, I think female alcoholics should be told not to fuck”
George Carlin quotes (American stand-up Comedian, Actor and Author. b.1937)
About: Humor quotes, Funny quotes, Alcohol quotes, Women quotes.
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“Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night”
Dave Barry quotes (American Writer and Humorist best known for his weekly newspaper column. b.1947)
Similar Quotes. About: Humor quotes, Funny quotes.
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“The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live”
George Carlin quotes (American stand-up Comedian, Actor and Author. b.1937)
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“When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.”
Emo Philips quotes
Similar Quotes. About: Funny quotes, Forgiveness quotes.
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“Since light travels faster than sound, people appear bright until you hear them speak.”
santiz
Similar Quotes. About: Funny quotes.
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“Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things”
George Carlin quotes (American stand-up Comedian, Actor and Author. b.1937)
Similar Quotes. About: Humor quotes.
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“A foolish man tells a woman to stop talking, but a wise man tells her that her mouth is extremely beautiful when her lips are closed”

Similar Quotes. About: Funny quotes, Men and Women quotes, Foolishness quotes, Women quotes.
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“It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.”
George F. Burns quotes (American comedian 1896-1996)
Similar Quotes. About: Drinking quotes, Humor quotes, Funny quotes.
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“Do you know why they call it 'PMS'? Because 'Mad Cow Disease' was already taken.”

Similar Quotes. About: Funny quotes.
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“Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?”
George Carlin quotes (American stand-up Comedian, Actor and Author. b.1937)
Similar Quotes. About: Humor quotes, Funny quotes, Driving quotes.
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“I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.”
Frank Sinatra quotes (American Actor and Singer, 1915-1998)
Similar Quotes. About: Drinking quotes, Funny quotes.
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