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“If a person offends you, and you are in doubt as to whether it was intentional or not, do not resort to extreme measures; simply watch your chance and hit him with a brick.”
dmg Mark Twain quotes (American Humorist, Writer and Lecturer. 1835-1910)

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“Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen”
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“Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.”
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“There is nothing you can say in answer to a compliment. I have been complimented myself a great many times, and they always embarrass me --I always feel that they have not said enough.”
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“Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest.”
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“If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; that is the principal difference between a dog and a man.”
Mark Twain quotes (American Humorist, Writer and Lecturer. 1835-1910)
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“When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.”
Mark Twain quotes (American Humorist, Writer and Lecturer. 1835-1910)
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“I deal with temptation by yielding to it”
Mark Twain quotes (American Humorist, Writer and Lecturer. 1835-1910)
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“Heaven goes by favor; if it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in”
Mark Twain quotes (American Humorist, Writer and Lecturer. 1835-1910)
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“Don't go around saying the world owes you a living; the world owes you nothing; it was here first”
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“I respect a man who knows how to spell a word more than one way”
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