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“I went to the park and saw this kid flying a kite. The kid was really excited. I don't know why, that's what they're supposed to do. Now if he had had a chair on the other end of that string, I would have been impressed.”
Mitch Hedberg quotes (American Comedian, 1968-2005)

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“My roommate says, I'm going to take a shower and shave, does anyone need to use the bathroom? It's like some weird quiz where he reveals the answer first.”
Mitch Hedberg quotes (American Comedian, 1968-2005)
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“I bought a seven dollar pen because I always lose pens and I got sick of not caring.”
Mitch Hedberg quotes (American Comedian, 1968-2005)
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“So, I sit at the hotel at night and I think of something that's funny. Or, If the pen is too far away, I have to convince myself that what I thought of wasn't funny.”
Mitch Hedberg quotes (American Comedian, 1968-2005)
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“That would be cool if you could eat a good food with a bad food and the good food would cover for the bad food when it got to your stomach. Like you could eat a carrot with an onion ring and they would travel down to your stomach, then they would get there, and the carrot would say, It's cool, he's with me.”
Mitch Hedberg quotes (American Comedian, 1968-2005)
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“I wrote a script for a guy, and he said he liked it but he thought that I need to rewrite it. I said, Screw that, I'll just make a copy.”
Mitch Hedberg quotes (American Comedian, 1968-2005)
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“I saw a human pyramid once. It was very unnecessary. It did not need to exist.”
Mitch Hedberg quotes (American Comedian, 1968-2005)
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“I had a bag of fritos, they were texas grilled fritos. These fritos had grill marks on them. They remind me of something, when we used to fire up the barbeque and throw down some fritos. I can still see my dad with the apron on, better flip that frito, dad, you know how I like mine.”
Str4wb3rry Mitch Hedberg quotes (American Comedian, 1968-2005)
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“I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.”
Mitch Hedberg quotes (American Comedian, 1968-2005)
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“I wish I could play little league now. I'd be way better than before.”
Mitch Hedberg quotes (American Comedian, 1968-2005)
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“I think fooseball is a combination of soccer and shishkabobs.”
Str4wb3rry Mitch Hedberg quotes (American Comedian, 1968-2005)
Similar Quotes. About: Funny quotes.
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