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“I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wake-up letter.”
Steven Wright quotes (American Comedian, b.1955)

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“Two babies were born on the same day at the same hospital. They lay there and looked at each other. Their families came and took them away. Eighty years later, by a bizarre coincidence, they lay in the same hospital, on their deathbeds, next to each other. One of them looked at the other and said, so. What did you think?”
Steven Wright quotes (American Comedian, b.1955)
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“I poured spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.”
Stephen Wright quotes (American Actor and Writer, b.1955)
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“Oh, well, I guess this is just going to be one of those lifetimes”
Stephen Wright quotes (American Actor and Writer, b.1955)
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“Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.”
Stephen Wright quotes (American Actor and Writer, b.1955)
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“On the other hand, you have different fingers.”
Stephen Wright quotes (American Actor and Writer, b.1955)
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“I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.”
Stephen Wright quotes (American Actor and Writer, b.1955)
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“I like to reminisce with people I don't know.”
Stephen Wright quotes (American Actor and Writer, b.1955)
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“A lot of people ask me if I were shipwrecked, and could only have one book, what would it be? I always say 'How to Build a Boat”
Stephen Wright quotes (American Actor and Writer, b.1955)
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“When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child... eventually.”
Stephen Wright quotes (American Actor and Writer, b.1955)
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“When I was little, my grandfather used to make me stand in a closet for five minutes without moving. He said it was elevator practice.”
Stephen Wright quotes (American Actor and Writer, b.1955)
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