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“European toilet paper is made from the same material that Americans use for roofing, which is why Europeans tend to remain standing throughout soccer matches.”
santiz Dave Barry quotes (American Writer and Humorist best known for his weekly newspaper column. b.1947)

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“Cigarette sales would drop to zero overnight if the warning said "CIGARETTES CONTAIN FAT."”
Dave Barry quotes (American Writer and Humorist best known for his weekly newspaper column. b.1947)
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“Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night”
Dave Barry quotes (American Writer and Humorist best known for his weekly newspaper column. b.1947)
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“Puns are little 'plays on words' that a certain breed of person loves to spring on you and then look at you in a certain self-satisfied way to indicate that he thinks that you must think that he is by far the cleverest person on Earth now that Benjamin Franklin is dead.”
Dave Barry quotes (American Writer and Humorist best known for his weekly newspaper column. b.1947)
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“Skiing combines outdoor fun with knocking down trees with your face.”
Dave Barry quotes (American Writer and Humorist best known for his weekly newspaper column. b.1947)
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“A Mission Statement is a dense slab of words that a large organization produces when it needs to establish that its workers are not just sitting around downloading Internet porn”
Dave Barry quotes (American Writer and Humorist best known for his weekly newspaper column. b.1947)
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“Florida's number three industry, behind tourism and skin cancer, is voter fraud”
Dave Barry quotes (American Writer and Humorist best known for his weekly newspaper column. b.1947)
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“I hate rap music, which to me sounds like a bunch of angry men shouting, possibly because the person who was supposed to provide them with a melody never showed up”
Dave Barry quotes (American Writer and Humorist best known for his weekly newspaper column. b.1947)
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“I recently had my annual physical examination, which I get once every seven years, and when the nurse weighed me, I was shocked to discover how much stronger the Earth's gravitational pull has become since 1990.”
Dave Barry quotes (American Writer and Humorist best known for his weekly newspaper column. b.1947)
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“Magnetism is one of the Six Fundamental Forces of the Universe, with the other five being Gravity, Duct Tape, Whining, Remote Control, and The Force That Pulls Dogs Toward The Groins Of Strangers.”
Dave Barry quotes (American Writer and Humorist best known for his weekly newspaper column. b.1947)
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“The world is full of strange phenomena that cannot be explained by the laws of logic or science. Dennis Rodman is only one example.”
Dave Barry quotes (American Writer and Humorist best known for his weekly newspaper column. b.1947)
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