“When I think about it, I mean really, I'm 47, I should be embarrassed by this. A grown man, barefoot, walking on mousetraps, just to get an audience to laugh. It's sad in a way.”
“Last time I saw him he tried to murder me. But when you're trying to kill someone by chopping their head off, rolling them up in a carpet and lighting it on fire, you better make sure they're dead!”
“Judy Garland would gain and lose a lot of weight, and because of that, she ended up having no derriere, so she had to have a prosthetic one to give her shape in some of her evening gowns. Because we're working on a Canadian show and they're very cheap, they wanted to take my wife's prosthetic (butt) away. That was the whole pilot. The great thing about a Canadian show is we have a little more freedom, I think.”
“When I'm on stage, it's a little world I've created where I'm sort of the thing, so I have total control over everything that happens. When we're improvising, I'm with someone I totally trust. I know things are going to work out. I don't have those guarantees in life. ... There are no consequences on stage,”
“I think the challenge is going out in front of a paying audience with absolutely nothing and trying to entertain them for two hours, ... Thankfully, I only think about that right before we go on, and then once we're out there, everything's fine.”
