Advanced Search My Account Help

Add the "Dynamic Daily Quotation" to Your Site or Blog - it's Easy!

Topics > C > Comedy

11-20 Quotations of 75

Comedy quotes

“I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, "You're gonna have to move, you're blocking a fire exit." As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammible and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.”
Str4wb3rry Mitch Hedberg quotes (American Comedian, 1968-2005)
Similar Quotes. About: Funny quotes, Comedy quotes.
Add to Chapter...

“God writes a lot of comedy... the trouble is, he's stuck with so many bad actors who don't know how to play funny.”
Garrison Keillor quotes (American writer and broadcaster b.1942)
Similar Quotes. About: God quotes, Comedy quotes.
Add to Chapter...

“Last week I helped my friend stay put. It's a lot easier than helping someone move. I just went over to his house and made sure that he did not start to load his shit into a truck.”
Mitch Hedberg quotes (American Comedian, 1968-2005)
Similar Quotes. About: Friends quotes, Comedy quotes, Laziness quotes.
Add to Chapter...

“Every time I go and shave, I assume there's someone else on the planet shaving. So I say, 'I'm gonna go shave, too.'”
Mitch Hedberg quotes (American Comedian, 1968-2005)
Similar Quotes. About: Comedy quotes, silly quotes.
Add to Chapter...

“I like vending machines, because snacks are better when they fall. If I buy a candy bar at the store, oftentimes I will drop it so that is achieves its maximum flavor potential.”
Mitch Hedberg quotes (American Comedian, 1968-2005)
Similar Quotes. About: Food quotes, Funny quotes, Comedy quotes, silly quotes.
Add to Chapter...

“I want to get a job as someone who names kitchen appliances. Toaster, refrigerator, blender.... all you do is say what the shit does, and add "er". I wanna work for the Kitchen Appliance Naming Institute. Hey, what does that do? It keeps shit fresh. Well, that's a fresher....I'm going on break.”
santiz Mitch Hedberg quotes (American Comedian, 1968-2005)
Similar Quotes. About: Work quotes, Laziness quotes, Comedy quotes.
Add to Chapter...

“You believe the world's 12 thousand years old? "That's right." Okay I got one word to ask you, a one word question, ready? "Uh huh." Dinosaurs. You know the world's 12 thousand years old and dinosaurs existed, they existed in that time, you'd think it would have been mentioned in the fucking Bible at some point. "And lo Jesus and the disciples walked to Nazareth. But the trail was blocked by a giant brontosaurus...with a splinter in his paw. And O the disciples did run a shriekin': 'What a big fucking lizard, Lord!' But Jesus was unafraid and he took the splinter from the brontosaurus's paw and the big lizard became his friend.”
xxxbefxxx Bill Hicks quotes (American Comedian, b.1961)
Similar Quotes. About: Comedy quotes.
Add to Chapter...

“I got in an argument with a girlfriend inside of a tent. That's a bad place for an argument, because I tried to walk out, and had to slam the flap.”
Mitch Hedberg quotes (American Comedian, 1968-2005)
Similar Quotes. About: Funny quotes, Arguments quotes, Comedy quotes, Relationships quotes.
Add to Chapter...

“I'll show you politics in America. Here it is, right here. 'I think the puppet on the right shares my beliefs.' 'I think the puppet on the left is more to my liking.' 'Hey, wait a minute, there's one guy holding out both puppets!'”
xxxbefxxx Bill Hicks quotes (American Comedian, b.1961)
Similar Quotes. About: Comedy quotes.
Add to Chapter...

“I am so busy doing nothing... that the idea of doing anything - which as you know, always leads to something - cuts into the nothing and then forces me to have to drop everything.”
Jerry Seinfeld quotes (American television Actor and Comedian, b.1954)
Similar Quotes. About: Comedy quotes.
Add to Chapter...

Submit a New Quote about Comedy

<< Colors quotes

Comfort quotes >>

Related Results

Similar keywords: clowns, comedies, comedy.

Opposite keywords: tragedies, tragedy.

Related Articles

woody allen quotes (The master of bittersweet comedy!)
woody allen quotes

friends quotes (Quotes from the famous TV-series)
friends quotes

Find product related with Comedy quotes on Amazon

Suggested

> T-Shirt quotes
> funny quotes
> famous quotes
> movie quotes
> sayings
> proverbs
> funny sayings
> Inspirational Quotes
> Cute Quotes
> Friendship Quotes
> Motivational Quotes

ThinkExist.com Quotations
Privacy & Security Policy | Terms of Service | Advertise | About us | Press room | Contact us | Help
Copyright ® ThinkExist 1999-2006